I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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