She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize