Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize