i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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