I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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