I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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