How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
