He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
