The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
