They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
