it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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