we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
