Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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