remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
