I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
