i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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