He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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