I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
