We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You have to summon your inner elephant
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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