The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
