Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
