I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
