ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
