I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
