but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
