I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
