Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
