Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
