I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
