i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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