Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
