I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
