he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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