Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
