Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
