I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
