Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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