seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize