Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
