My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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