I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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