you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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