hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i came on her dog
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
