I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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