Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
