I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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