sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm passing your future prison.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
