I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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