Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
