i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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