Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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