Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
