shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
