ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
