I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
