He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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