i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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