I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Randomize
