The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
love makes seman taste better
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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