Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize