Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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