What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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