Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
