i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
