sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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