i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
