Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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