i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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